ABOUT IMAGO

What is Imago Relationship Therapy?
• A theory and practice of relationship useful to anybody who wants better intimate relationships.
• A way of being in relationship with yourself, with a committed partner and with the world.
• A practical guide to better relationships with a theory that makes sense and tools which work.
• A path to the joyfulness aliveness we experience when living in connection.

It is also:
• A therapeutic approach for helping people experiencing relationship difficulties to achieve relationships which are, safe, passionate and satisfying.
• A model which sees marriage/committed partnership as the primary therapeutic relationship with the greatest potential for overcoming past hurts and for personal evolution towards one’s fullest potential.
• Based on the premise that the underlying purpose of committed relationships is mutual emotional healing, self-completion and spiritual growth.

Imago Relationship Therapy, developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., offers a comprehensive and systematic approach to committed love relationships, developed from the study of couples and integrating ideas from major Western psychological, spiritual and scientific traditions.

Imago Theory of Relationships

The Imago:
Is an internal image created from childhood experiences with the people who were important to us (parents, siblings, school, etc.).

Influences mate selection - we pick a partner who matches the Imago i.e. they have the best and the worst traits of these people.

This creates a situation where partners are only able to meet each other's most profound needs through dismantling their own defensive character structure and growing into their fullest potential.

Many of us experienced some degree of pain in childhood from not having some of our most basic psychological needs adequately met. For some of us this was extreme and severe and for some of us it was barely perceptible, everything just seemed "normal". We learned to cope with this pain, to protect ourselves as best we could from the hurts of growing up in our less than perfect families, schools and peer groups. As a result we developed defenses so as not to feel the pain and frustration. These adaptations often become some of our greatest strengths.

We also received messages about how we should and should not be to be acceptable to others so we gave up some of our ability to function fully in order to be accepted. This limited, defended self became for many of us the self that we know and identify with, that we believe ourselves to be. This is the self that we bring into our relationships, often with the unconscious hope that our partner's love will restore us to our wholeness.

And for a short while during the romantic stage it appears to do just that, we get a taste of our full potential, a taste of full aliveness, a glimpse of our most loved and loving selves. But it cannot last and gradually or suddenly in response to the everyday hurts in this relationship, we go back to being our defended, limited selves, often blaming our partners for our unhappiness. We enter a Power Struggle with our partner to try to get our needs met and to eliminate in them the aspects of the self which were unacceptable for us to have. Some of us even try to protect ourselves from hurt by not getting into close relationships at all. As a result of these defenses we feel the hurt of being alone, being out of connection.

The journey back to our full potential, back to our full, joyful aliveness can be exciting and challenging. It is a journey that we have to undertake ourselves, which we make a personal commitment to. It is a journey of transcending our old brain reactivity and becoming increasingly conscious and intentional in our interactions with others. When partners commit to undertaking the journey together and to helping each other to heal and grow the relationship can become a sacred quest.

Through therapy and workshops, Imago Relationship therapists help individuals and couples undertake this journey of healing and growth.

Visit www.imagorelationships.org for more information about Imago Relationship Therapy including what Alanis Morisette and Oprah Winfrey have to say about the power of Imago.